Success

He was a crow. And he knew it.

Everybody knew it.

They never let him forget that. And then he stopped caring.

His childhood was a crow’s childhood. Fighting with a dozen other crows for food. Roaming around in the rain.

He grew up to be a hideous bird. One day he left home to live at the zoo. He always wanted to go there. So he went.

There were a lot of birds there, most were in the cages. But there were a lot of them outside too, in the jungle besides the zoo. There were sparrows. And then there were doves. And then there was this one eagle who enjoyed his spot at the top of the food chain. There were also some vultures, cunning but venerated.

Most of them hated him. Only the crows talked to him. Others just despised him. The sparrows will stay afraid of all crows and would go to the doves. He tried making friends, naively assuming that his good intentions will somehow make him look less ugly to them. That didn't happen, and he stopped caring.
Every day they will roam around near the zoo. People will see the doves and throw food at them. He never got anything. He was always shooed away.

So he lived with the crows who loved him because he was nice. They will sit and chat. The other crows used to fight with the doves and snatch their food. He did not want to do that. Why become what they accused him of.

He started roaming around. He will fly, his stomach empty, towards the jungle. Soon he located the interesting trees. Fruit trees. Every morning he got up, and raced to the jungle. Tired and exhausted when he reached, but joyous and content when leaving. Often he ate something bad and fell sick. But then he identified the best trees. He was never hungry again. In the afternoon, when his friends will be fighting with the doves, he will come back and sit alone. No one gave a damn about where he went. So nothing bothered him.

He woke up to a lot of commotion one day. The eagle had arrived. He attacked a dove and killed it. Doves are fine birds, they can fly high and fast, but an eagle on their tails was too frightening for them. It started happening often.

One day he was coming back from the jungle when he heard a flutter in the distance. The eagle was following him.

He flew. As fast as he could. Suddenly there was a huge commotion. All the birds quickly gathered to see what was going on. The doves started laughing – “Here goes the stupid crow” “Look at that filthy poor thing, his last day” “It’s alright, he is just a crow. Let him die”. The crows did not care.

He first thought he will die. Made no difference anyways. But then some spark of self respect aroused. He kept flying. Crows lack the finesse of a dove, but they are fast. Plus, he knew the woods, so he led the eagle there. For once, they were flying parallel to an almost straight row of trees. Suddenly, the crow turned right. The tree he faced was well known to him, two trunks making a V out of the ground. He closed his wings for one fleeting moment and escaped. The eagle turned too, taking pride in his agility. He had never expected the V. And as he flew, his wings scratched the trunks. He fell on the ground and almost died.

When he returned to the crowd facing him, all he saw was dumbstruck faces. He quietly retired to his nest, exhausted.

The next morning, he woke up to the sound of the sparrow. She had come to say thank you, for getting rid of the eagle. He stood motionless, in his social awkwardness, fearing his movements might scare her away. She did not care, or so it seemed. She soon excused herself.

A young dove came next. Peeking from the corner, he timidly asked if the crow will teach him how to fly. The crow smiled and whispered to him to go away lest his parents see him there. Turns out he had already asked his parents. The crow couldn't refuse. He went on a short flying lesson.

He felt happy. Maybe he misunderstood everybody. Maybe it was just a matter of breaking the ice. Maybe this social structure is not as despicable as he thought.

Soon, everybody was his friend. The doves loved him. The sparrows respected him. Everybody wanted to know what he ate. Where he went.

One day a crow he knew came up to him, crying. He had fought with the doves, but still got no food and was starving. So he offered him some food, and said he will ask the doves to be nice to him. "If you dare go to the doves begging for us, I will stop coming to you", said the crying crow. "But I can talk to them, they will listen to me", he said. "If you are done flaunting your new found friendships, I would like to leave."

It then struck him.

Next day he went to a small celebration at one of his crow friend’s nest. As he arrived, he was greeted by a sudden silence. "Look, the dove-friend has arrived", hushed someone. "Oh my God, look how cockily he walks". He felt sick and went away.

One day he got invited to the dove kid's house. He went. They looked at him, smiled, and looked away. He just stood there in a corner. He heard " ... ya, he just got lucky". "What is that ugly creature doing here". "Dude, I am leaving. He scares me everytime I look at him.". Eventually, he left and went back to his nest.

He did not know where to go.

He went to the vulture and cried. The vulture put his huge wings over him. Sobbing, he asked the vulture – “I saved their lives. Why is this happening to me?”

“Because you were born a crow.”

Moment of Lie

“I love you”

“So do I.”

“You don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t have done this to me”

“How can you forget Shekhar, it was the first thing I said when we started the relationship. I won’t go against the wish of my parents. I told you right?”

“It is disturbing how your stand on that has not changed despite everything that we have done together and everything that has happened between us. It doesn't matter? Tell me frankly Shruti, am I a joke to you? What were you doing ALL this while? Passing your time? Entertaining yourself? What the hell did I do wrong?”

“MY DAD IS SICK GODDAMMIT! FOR GOD’S SAKE TRY TO UNDERSTAND! Will you?”

“He is sick because your brother Mr. moron was marrying some salesgirl he knew for a month. Even I would have gotten a heart attack if my son did something like that. It was not love sweetheart. Ours is. It will be different in our case. And how do you know that your dad is not feigning it? He was discharged 6 hours after he was admitted! How do you not see that he is just trying to defend his nonsensical stand against love marriage? And you are supporting it?”

“Enough! Enough Shekhar. Stop accusing my family members. Don’t you ever talk to me like that again, got it?” Some tears trickled down.

“Please Shruti, I am begging of you, please. I have plans, they are all for you; I have my company's project in US. Fifteen months, and I will come and take your hand. I will earn more than your father has ever dreamt of in a son-in-law. Please.”
For two hours the armrests were bearing the sweat of his palms.

“Please leave Shekhar. Try to understand. Between you and my father, I choose him. Is it so unfair?”

“At least try. We will cross the bridge when we reach there, at least stay with me till then. You can’t leave me like this.” No response. Some momentous moments passed.

Desperation morphed to anger “I am leaving. Just want you to know, that for two years, I had my life around you. Everything. I love you more than you will ever love me. Goodbye Shruti. Never show your goddamn face to me again”

“Shekhar I am sorry, and I love you, but I just can’t do this to my dad. Just wish that someday you will understand.” She was softening down now.

Too late. “I won't.”

He went to US and came back to India.

It has been 4 years now.

She has survived them.

----------------------------------

“Hey any plans for this holi?” asked Trisha.

“Why do you have to ask this question all the time when you know the only person who makes plans for me is you? So let me ask YOU now, what plans for holi?” said Shruti. Trisha was just about everybody she knew in Delhi.

“True", she laughed. Well this holi, you will get a big surprise! We will go to the GK-2 community center. Joshi uncle has invited us to the Holi celebrations. There will be a DJ, thandai, and lots of nice guys for you to choose from. And there you will get your surprise!”

“Okay mam. I am all yours.”

Holi came.

Shruti got ready. Trisha will meet her there, as planned. So she went there, all by herself.

The place looked like a nightclub in broad daylight. Music, mob and colors, all there. There were people all around, dancing. There were stalls of thandai, food, and ghujiyas. Just as she entered, a kid emptied his state of the art pichkari at her. She went completely blind for a few seconds, somehow managing to open her eyes. Then somebody painted her with gulaal. It was all fun. And she had started to enjoy herself, looking around for her friend.

And then she saw him. Standing tall, with added weight, face painted red, and still the same childish look she used to die for. Was it he? Had she FINALLY found him? Can she be so lucky?”

It was him. Indeed. She could find him in a mob, any day, anywhere. Both the Holis they spent together. The street fairs they will go to and get lost in. Yes, it was him.

She went ahead, and plastered her somewhat colored hands on his face.
He turned, and both of them stared at each other for moments.

“Hi Shekhar!” She mumbled, gasping for breath. He replied with a cold “Hi”, though the eyes deceived him.

“How are you? Such a long time! How was US? Where are you now? You gained weight yaar!” She stopped hiding her happiness.

He was apathetic though. “Well everything was and is fine, how are you?” he said in as cold a voice as he could manage.

She paused for a moment.

“Are you still angry Shekhar? After all these years, you are still angry? You still haven’t understood” she now wanted to cry.

He stood mute. Seconds passed.

“Hi Shruti, and hello my dear." Trisha had come back. "Well Shruti meet Shekhar my fiancé, and Shekhar this is Shruti my sweetest dearest and cutest friend. And this, Mam Shruti, is the surprise. Liked it? Well you have to, my dad chose him from at least 5000 men", she said laughing.

Shruti’s tears got lost somewhere in the color. She managed to laugh and congratulate her. And when their eyes met, Shekhar could see her soul burning.
Trisha excused herself to meet someone else.

“Congrats!”, she was actually smiling. "I mean I am so happy for you!"

“No you are not. I can see it on your face. But I guess I don't care. You were never happy for me.”

“Shekhar, stop being so cruel. We met after 4 years. Can you be a bit nice to me."

"How about no?"

She turned around and left.

Trisha arrived. "What did you do?".

"Nothing, I was just playing rude".

"I told you not to!"

"She will be fine"

"No she will not be fine. Her dad has been dead four years Shekhar. She was fired. She spends her life finding jobs. She will not take it."

They tried finding her but couldn't. Three hours later they arrived at her doorstep. The apartment was locked from inside. After waiting for half an hour the door was knocked down. She was lying face down on the floor, vomit spewed around, a bottle of mosquito repellant not too far away. She was still breathing.

Six hours later in the hospital her eyelids moved. Shekhar was allowed to meet.

“Shruti listen to me please. I found Trisha from your profile. We set this up. We are not engaged. It was a prank. Sorry it got so cruel. Shruti I am sorry. Listen to me”

“I just wanted you back in my life. I came back for you. I would have come sooner if I knew about you. I still love you”

The sentences were too long.

Her eyelids had closed. The ECG was beeping faster every second. Nurses rushed in.

“I am sorry, she came in too late” said the doctor.

“Shruti, I still love you.”

Lucky Day

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It had been a long time now since he was struggling, must have been at least 10 minutes.

He had always been a loser. An underperformer. Always abiding by the rules set by Mother. Never deviating from the set routes. All his peers knew all the best places. He didn’t. It was not that he didn’t have the courage. But aberration from Mother’s path was blasphemy for him. Go straight was his mantra. Go straight.

Not today. Today he had decided on this infraction and right from the first hint of dawn, he had been wandering. He knew the day was different. The day had been superb, and productive. The flowers were all beautiful. And it had been a dream run. He was feeling so lucky.

Maybe he pushed his luck too far. He went away farther than ever. Not until he reached that obscure place with the lilies, which was right there at the top of the list of proscribed places, did he stop, or rather was stopped.

He first attacked the lilies. As he moved towards them, he saw a sort of cave to his right. Inside, a bunch of daffodils caught his glimpse. Should he go there? Why not! It was his day. So he went there. The flowers were so fresh. He circled the bunch euphorically, disbelief in his eyes. He had no sense of direction.

When satiated, he decided to leave. But wait, he was in a cave right? Which way was the opening? Which way did he enter from? Fear crept through. Suddenly there was a huge gust which threw him far away. As he gained focus again, he looked towards the direction from which light was coming. And then he saw the lilies again. He rushed towards them, with all his might, already terrified, and suddenly there it was. Bam! He was stopped by some strange invisible wall. His head went tizzy. And what the hell was happening? Right there in front of him there were the lilies. But he just couldn’t move forward.

He had to get out. So he tried to improvise. He moved back and rammed into the strange obstacle again. Too strong. He backed up again, about three feet. In front of him there was a grid of openings. Behind him, everything was dark. He moved to one “opening”, this time cautiously. Again the same invisible barrier. Befuddled, he rammed into a few more. The entire grid looked the same. He felt as if dreaming. But he knew it was reality. He had heard stories, and now he was part of his nightmare.

The next few moments were spent lamenting and repenting. He could have stopped at the rose garden. He could have stopped when he felt the heat of the noon sun waning. He could have just been to the lilies. But when you feel lucky, the only thing that stops your flight is an accident. An accident which brings you back to earth, back to your senses. Most dream runs often end in crashes. Because restraint is the first thing you lose when you gain luck. He could have forgotten the daffodils, but no, it was his day!

Remorse was not the cure though. It never is. So he gathered his strength and moved back one more time. He looked at all the openings. He had examined only a few. He wished God for just one more ounce of good luck.

Suddenly, on the right a long distance away he saw a bigger opening. Should he go there? Should he try that way? It was too far away. Again, he wanted to go far away.

He remembered all that he had been told by Mother. "Never lose sight of your goals. Accomplishments don’t come in gift wraps. You have to earn them. You will make mistakes. But you yourself will have to get out of that. There will always be obstacles. At first all will seem as if impossible to cross, but impossible is nothing. Sooner or later, it will be defeated. And yes there will always be shortcuts, paths that will seem to end your misery in a blink. But never fall for them. When you have your goals at your crosshair, proceed towards them no matter what. Go straight boy, go straight".

He looked at the lilies again, and knew what he had to do. He had to keep trying. That big opening sure seemed attractive. Maybe it will take him to his freedom. But he knew that was just another specious detour to more danger. He had already pushed his luck far enough. No more. He will break this wall for whatever it takes. Maybe he will find his ounce of luck now.

He kept ramming into the glass for the next one hour. Was it his penance?

A bright white light flooded the room.

SQQQQUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

"Hey mom, I killed a bee! It was stuck at the window for so long now! It won’t let me sleep. I even tried the fan. Wonder why they don’t just fly out through the door."

“They don’t see the door honey. They are just too small.”

“Son, will you please throw that thing into the garden for me?”

“Sure mom.”

Before closing his eyes for the final time, he found himself lying at the foot of the lily.